Tuesday, September 9, 2008

gonna trade the weather for the western coast

Here is some funny stuff that happened around this time last year:

-"Monday: intestines. Thursday: poop. I hate it when my mom packs my lunches." -Alex, in a note to me

-Me, taunting Diana: Your chin looks HUGE right now!
Diana, all excited: Really?
Me: No. It basically disappeared.
Diana: Damn it!

-"Just so you know, I'm going to smile when you die." -Diana to Beloved Aunt Cheryl's cat Riley

-"I got maced here!" -Beloved Aunt Cheryl during our tour of the UW-Madison campus

-Diana: I got an awesome pair of boots this weekend.
Alex: Like snow boots or like sexy boots?

-Alex's Mom: Yeah, I accidentally parked in a driveway at Sears today and some lady yelled at me.
Anna: Was it an employee?
Alex's Mom: Nope. Just some wench in a car.

-Nancy, Alex's mom's BFF: Hey, Alex, do you get service hours for taking care of the old and infirm?
Alex's Mom: I resent that.
Anna: Oh my god... It's Kellie and Alex in 25 years.

-"I always tell her it's not scurry, but she never listens!" -Alex's Mom

-Diana: What do you think we'll do next in English?
Anna, in dead seriousness and not bitchiness: If I had to guess, I'd say were gonna read something, followed by writing something about said something. Just a guess.

-"His tongue was as big as my sock." -Kathy

-"I'm pretty sure her blood-donation symptoms are all in her head, considering that she gets all dizzy and crazy TWO DAYS AFTER THE FACT." -Diana on Alex's complex relationship with the Red Cross

-My mother: "Would it be chintzy to give two cans of tuna?"
Me: "I really don't understand you sometimes."

-"Kellie... your stepdad is wearing a mock turtleneck." -Diana, in complete awe

-"How red is my nose?"
"On a scale of 1 to Rudolph, you're like a 7."
[Diana is so nice to my pale face.]

-"You have to watch it all the way through. If you don't, you'll pause it in the middle to go kill yourself." -Diana's thoughts on It's a Wonderful Life

-"My hair is so puffy. I guess you really can't teach an old dog new tricks." -Alex, in another ridiculous note

-"Alex, are you already bitching? It's not even eight in the morning. You don't have anything to bitch about yet." -Diana

-"That was the weirdest thing I have ever seen." -Craiganator on the Notre Dame Christmas Choral concert

-[A really bizarre man walks past.]
Craiganator: Who was THAT?!
Me: I don't know.
Diana: Jean Claude van Damme.

-[My uncle Dave listens to The Carpenters Christmas Album. So we laugh at him for the entire course of the holiday season.]
Dave: Mark my words!
Brenda: God, I hate it when people say that.
Me: It's so elderly. It's like, "Oh my stars and garters."
Brenda: Yeah, or "Let's listen to The Carpenters Christmas Album!"

-Alex's logic of why she licked hummus off the floor for a dime: "Because dimes are worth TEN pennies but they are smaller."

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