Wednesday, June 11, 2008

"for every minute we don't spend loving one another, a puppy sheds another tear."

Last night was an excessive night. For someone else, that statement would probably imply recreational drugs or tequila shots, but really I just went to serve as good company for Typhoid Diana and to serve as a buffer between her and her dysfunctional family.

This was especially good because Frank, Diana's stepdad/real life Dwight Schrute, was in rare form. He offered me a box of expired food and tried to make me offer him a kidney, so pretty much par for the course. Then he told me about how he belongs to the NAACP, and told me I should assert my independence from Diana and tell her to go to hell. "Yeah, or she could tell the creepy old man who's trying to harvest her organs to go to hell."

Anyway, the most excessive part of the night was the box of fortune cookies we bought. We had to eat the whole thing once we realized how ridiculous the fortunes were. For example:
-"You smile has great charm"
-"I have faith in you"
-"Your emotional nature is strong and sensitive"

Largely, they were not even fortunes. They were just sayings/advice, such as:
-"A painting is a poem with out words"
-"Children are life's reward"
-"Read a good book"
-"The family that prays together stays together"
-"A penny saved, is a penny earned"

And all that grammar is accurate. It was awesome, and made even more awesome by the fact that fortune cookies, being made largely of sugared cardboard, have only like 25 calories each, so this wasn't even disgustingly unhealthy like the food we usually eat.

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