Thursday, July 17, 2008

if you meet me at the border, i got visas in my name

I have a disease called Project Runway, and I'm going to discuss solely my thoughts on last night's episode for the entirety of this entry. And, oh, don't worry-- I have many. Go here to look at pretty, pretty pictures of the clothes I'm talking about, because I'm too lazy to embed pictures in here myself.

I was generally impressed with the things people made last night, which does not usually happen, because I'm judgmental about these things. It was a pleasant surprise, though. In slideshow order, here are my thoughts:

1. I really liked Kenley's dress, and thought the dodgeball top was awesome. Also, Kenley is adorable and is totally this season's Kit Pistol. Which is fine, because I really loved Kit Pistol.

2. Terri's portfolio (and way of dressing herself) was very iffy and even more so, very 90s, but the top made of mop-heads turned out nicer than I was visualizing it. That said, that skirt took one minute and you know it.

3. Suede's ugly blue tablecloth dress was my least favorite. Also my least favorite? Suede's personality. Go home, Suede. You are ridiculous, and not in an entertaining way like other contestants.

4. Emily's dress was very interesting and creative, and she seems pretty cool. Definite snaps for Emily from me.

5. Although I'm giving even bigger snaps to Leanne. Not just for her dress, which was cute, but for her own wardrobe and that adorable tan cropped coat she was wearing at the beginning of the episode. And she has the best portfolio so, based on the minimally sufficient first impression we're given of everyone in the first episode, she's my favorite. Her model is my favorite, too, coincidentally.

6. Jennifer's dress was very cute. Jennifer is Pam from The Office, particularly first-season Pam.

7. Jerrell's dress was surprisingly good, considering that he dresses himself like a bag lady. Not my taste, but well made, and not as questionable as his personal taste would indicate.

8. Keith's dress was just okay. Average beyond all reason.

9. Wesley's dress was kind of my favorite. It wasn't spectacularly innovative, but it was awesome nonetheless. Wesley is my favorite male contestant by far, even with his formal shorts.

Later thought: You know why I think I like Wesley so much? Wesley is male Laura Bennett. And therefore, Wesley is solidly awesome and I will like every garment he makes, and I will like his formal man-shorts just like I liked that Laura wore equestrian wear that one time, even though it's unreasonable and inconsistent with my desire to mock everyone.

10. I liked the skirt of Joe's outfit but was indifferent toward the top. I'm sure it's well-constructed but, damn, that pattern is ugly.

11. Korto! Her dress was awesome and dramatic and cool. And I want her hair. It amazes me.

12. Daniel's plastic cup dress was awesome. I must confess, I did not have faith that he would finish it. But it was amazing and innovative and sweet.

13. I have no idea what the fuck Blayne designed. Blayne is this year's "entertaining tool." Everything that came out of his mouth made me laugh at him. He's totally and completely ridiculous and I love him for it.

14. Jerry's presentation and construction were poor, and his concept wasn't interesting at all. Do I think he should have gone home? No. Am I overly pissed off that he went home? No. I think there were worse things out there, but this wasn't really worth keeping, the more I think about it. You'll hear a lot about the person who should have gone home in item #16.

15. Kelli's skirt was maybe the most awesome thing made, and I liked the studded belt-thing and thought the top should have been more... covered. The fact that she made the lacings on the back out of notebook spirals (which you sadly can't see in the picture), however, is what makes me agree that she should have won the challenge. I think she is a non-cracked-out Amy Winehouse.

16. Stella... What the fuck is wrong with Stella? She was a source of enormous frustration to me throughout the entire episode, as everyone who watched it with me will tell you, since I kept shouting things like, "put down your crack pipe, quit bitching, and make something." I expect much more from people named Stella, because that is a name which is awesome and bad-ass. I should have given up any hope when her introduction explained that she designs for pimps and whores.

It wasn't just that what she made was hideous, which it was. It was that she picked a horrible material, then spent almost all of work time complaining about her own personal decisions and only spent about fourteen seconds making said hideous garment. However, she didn't just complain about her choice of garbage bags, she complained using words like "trash" and "garbage" in an unironic manner. Oh my God. Go home, Stella. Go home.

Non-designer-y things I enjoyed about this episode:

1. Tim Gunn's look of disgust at Blayne's garment. (And Tim Gunn in general, but that is a given.)

2. Austin Scarlett! The most ridiculous man to walk God's green earth! I love him so much.

3. The challenge. Way to bring back one of your more kick-ass challenges, Project Runway. Good call.

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