Friday, August 15, 2008

i've got the gift of one-liners and you've got the curse of curves

1. My uncle once: called me mongoloid. Oh, wait. That wasn't once, that was about a hundred times. Thanks BB.

2. Never in my life: have I been to Italy, but I really, really want to go.

3. When I was five: it was 1995. I was in kindergarten, which, back in the day, was only for half-days. I had it in the mornings and I'm pretty sure I came home every day and ate macaroni and cheese for lunch.

4. High school was: All right. You know, it happened. Notre Dame is not really real, and both good and bad things came of it. I'm ready for college.

5. I will never forget: freshman year Halloween. Alex wore a bunny costume with a loofah tail and everyone else came as a public schooler.

6. Once I met: Barack Obama! Well, I didn't formally introduce myself, but we held hands after he locked eyes with me across a very crowded room, so. Yeah.

7. There’s this girl I know: whose name is Sheebs. She is my momma, and she is probably reading this if she is bored at work right now. She says and does some pretty classic things, such as tonight after dinner, "I think people in the restaurant thought I was Tina Fey."

8. Once, at a bar: something happened to someone, but not me. I'm not 21 yet.

9. By noon, I’m usually: hanging out.

10. Last night: Elly and I had quality time together.

11. If only I had: A bottomless pit of money.

12. Next time I go to church: will be Sunday. I will probably get the church giggles and my family will all make fun of each other.

13. What worries me most: is... I don't really know? I can't think of anything that's particularly weighing on me at the moment. I am concerned about the turnout of the next presidential election.

14. When I turn my head left I see: The other wing of the couch.

15. When I turn my head right I see: The end table with the lamp on it.

16. You know I’m lying when: I'm refraining from making mean jokes.

17. What I miss most about the Eighties is: not much, because I wasn't born yet, although I really wish I had been around for the peak of the John Hughes era.

18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be: Cordelia from King Lear, because: A. I don't curr, and B. I do what I want. And nobody's ever going to marry me for my money.

19. By this time next year: I'll be preparing for my second year of college.

20. A better name for me would be: not any I can think of at the moment.

21. I have a hard time understanding: chemistry. Seriously... what the fuck?

22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll: be there in five days. YIKES.

23. You know I like you if: I make fun of you.

24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be: My parents.

25. Take my advice, never: try to super-glue a plastic headband and expect it to be an effective solution.

26. My ideal breakfast is: French toast.

27. A song I love but do not have is: "Don't Fear the Reaper" by Blue Oyster Cult. It was actually sad how quickly I pulled that out.

28. If you visit my hometown, I suggest you: come see me! If you're not going to do that, I guess you could... do something that is not worth doing.

29. Why won’t people: grow up.

30. If you spend a night at my house: you will get to experience my crazy family and other such excitement.

31. I’d stop my wedding for: I have no idea what this question really means. Like, calling off the wedding or putting it on hold? Confusing.

32. The world could do without: discrimination.

33. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: snort cocaine.

34. My favourite blonde(s) is/are: I don't know! This is too hard this close to my bedtime.

35. Paper clips are more useful than: many a thing.

36. If I do anything well it’s: sarcasm.

37. I can’t help but: realize how much I have left to do before I move.

38. I usually cry: when I'm mad.

39. My advice to my child/nephew/niece: think for yourself! Ask questions; don't accept things as fact just because they've been spoon-fed because it's the easiest way to become mentally stagnant.

40. And by the way: I'm beat.

No comments: