"heyyy, it's kelly clarkson!" -said to me every two minutes last night

I'm in an insane mood today, and you're getting the best of it. Just suck it up and be grateful. I keep remembering random things that happened, like, two years ago and laughing about them, so I'm just going to share them with you.

Julie, making fun of those ridiculous anti-gay marriage commercials that totally exploited child actors: "If my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle!"

"You guys, shhh! I'm being the Alex Whisperer!" Possibly the greatest moment of my junior-year lunch table, the greatest table of all time.

"Jayyyyyycob! Your cat is a-tremblin' with fear!" -Diane

"My ears are so small. They are like... small cookies." -Anna

"What's 50 divided by 6?"
"Twelve!"
"... Nope, it's not."

"What does he look like?"
"A PUSSY!"
[More classiness from Julie.]

"How do you spell tube?"
"T... U... B... E."
"Tubby!"

"Did you guys know Harry Potter was in a porn movie with a unicorn?" -Alex's proudest moment

"She's always drinking out of a brown bottle." -written in a Mother's Day story from one of Julie's daughters

"It hurts my eyes to look at you." -Elly, with great distress, at Ben

I don't know who made this, but it made me laugh more than anything in my entire life:

















And this: